A Journal for the Bent

The Typical Middle School Experience
by
Ryder Smith


Roe and Bowen stand just outside of their middle school’s entrance, having their first real argument as a couple. Roe is angry about something trivial and childish that his new boyfriend, Bowen, did. Bowen feels sheepish and meek in the presence of his new boyfriend. Roe lets Bowen know they’d talk about this tomorrow. Bowen agrees but realizes that tomorrow’s conversation would probably be too awkward after today’s fight, so he decides on his own to put it off indefinitely, or at least until he feels prepared to take it on. Roe goes to a school practice room and cries out shrill, emotional notes until his vocal cords burn. Bowen silently walks back to his lakeside home and stares at the Huron.

Roe walks down the school’s main halls the next day with cautious optimism and actively searches for Bowen. Bowen slinks through lesser-used hallways with substantial anxiety and actively evades Roe. Roe thinks back on Bowen’s schedule and attempts to intercept him in the hallway, hoping to see his partner’s sweet smile. Bowen takes every detour possible, hoping not to see his partner’s angry eyes. Roe, upset he couldn’t find Bowen, decides not to watch him at his soccer practice and instead auditions for the school musical. Bowen, afraid Row would show up, decides to skip soccer practice and go straight home. Roe, arriving home a few hours later, believes his audition went horribly, but finds solace in the fact that he’d see his partner the next day. Bowen contemplates whether he and Roe should ever talk again as he dips his toes into the Huron.

Roe receives a callback for the role of Mr. Banks. Bowen cries into his pillow, not knowing the reason why. Roe studies the school’s layout for a week and discovers Bowen’s new class route. Bowen notices Roe’s presence in the halls more and more. Roe seriously and purposefully attempts eye contact with Bowen all day at school. Bowen actively and anxiously prevents eye contact with Roe all day at school. Roe goes home to cry into his own pillow, knowing the reason why. Bowen crumples up the piece of paper with Roe’s home phone number, his former prized possession, and tearfully throws it into the Huron.

Roe meets several new people at callback auditions the following week, feeling welcomed by their friendliness. Bowen blows off steam at soccer practice, enraging the few sports-team friends he has left. Roe goes out to dinner and a movie with his new group of friends. Bowen is benched at his next match due to his aggressive and unproductive play. Roe cries happy tears, feeling like his life is getting back on track after the muddied end of his first real relationship. Bowen wonders if his own tears, still exclusively sad, would be impactful enough to affect the tranquil waters of the Huron.

Roe lands the part of Mr. Banks and prepares himself for the intense rehearsal process. Bowen is benched again for being bellicose and immature. Roe practices on his own during winter break, watching his tape of Mary Poppins dozens of times. Bowen spends winter break watching, but not enjoying, his favorite show. Roe no longer misses Bowen’s company. Bowen, in a fit of inexplicable, uncontrollable rage, punches a hole through his bedroom wall. Roe returns to school with excitement and determination. Bowen returns to school believing the only friend he has and needs is the Huron.

Roe spends the better part of two months singing, dancing, and going out to dinner with his friends from the show. Bowen spends the better part of two months watching TV, sleeping, and sitting with his only friend. Roe arrives at school hours early on opening night, hoping to practice before the show. Bowen skips school on opening night, lacking the energy to even try faking sick. Roe stands off-stage briefly before his first entrance, feeling more joyous than ever before. Bowen sits on the shore by his friend, feeling more vacant than ever before. Roe walks to his mark on stage, hitting all the notes he practiced until he could. Bowen follows the siren call of hopelessness, fading from consciousness under the weight of his friend the Huron.


Ryder Smith is an aromantic, asexual undergraduate student at the University of Pittsburgh studying English Writing and Italian Language. They hope to use their future career in writing to spread positive messaging about aromanticism and asexuality.